Why did I become fearful of flying?

People ask me how I became a fearful flier, when before I hopped around the world happily with no worries what-so-ever....
Why there was a certain person who told me he thought my story didnt sound like the truth, rather something I made up to draw attention...
A pilot that heard my story found it very amusing that I'm all panicky before and sometimes during a flight...
In fact someone wanted to write an article about me once...

So what DID happen?

My explanation is - Control issues.

It is clear to me that the moment I will be given a task or I would have to work again during a flight - I will not even remotely resemble the miserable wreck that I am as a passenger.

Why?

Even though as a flight attendant I had zero control of the aircraft, I did feel I had a type of "control" over the passengers. Their well being was my concern and I was attuned to every wish. It was never about me, it was about the passengers, about rendering good service, about making the flight as comfortable as possible.

Today, as a passenger, it is ALL about me. I sit there, for HOURS on end, squished between other passengers in the same row, no leg space, the chair in front of me is almost in my face and I just sit there, waiting. So when that happens, anxious inclined people like me, tend to start thinking strange and pessimistic thoughts...
The distance from there to thinking what can happen when you are suspended high up in the air is very short, believe me...

No doubt, when I travel with my daughter, I feel that I HAVE to be less stressed so that I don't stress her out. Since her well being is the most important thing to me on the flight, I spend less time on me, thus less visible fearful signs.

Bottom line, give me something important to do on the flight, not just read or watch a movie and I believe I will feel much much better.

Have a good one!

Karen