My window syndrome

As a fearful flier, I usualy like to have direct access to the window. I need to feel that I control SOMETHING when I am up there, 35,000 feet above ground.

In cases of turbulence, I just look ot the window. If the skies are blue and everything below "looks normal" to me..I am able to calm myself down. If I see that instead of being above the clouds the plane is IN a cloud or fog, then its time to get stressed...

The problem begins during those night international flights, when for you its night time, but outside its mid-day in that time zone. 99.9% of the passangers are asleep and there is NOTHING more important to the cabin crew then to make sure we stay asleep. They are really zelous about that (that way passangers are less annoying...)

So, it's dark in the cabin and suddenly there's serious turbulence. My instinct, as I said, is to immidiately look out the window. The shutter is closed, so, I open it just abit - 2 inches, so I can see what's out there and not bother everyone too much...Not a second goes by and an angry stewardess jumps on me -Miss! Please close the shutter immidiately!!
Since I am stressed, I dont usally handle this attack too well...and I usualy snap right back at her/him..... "I will NOT close the shutter, as I am anxious and keeping it slightly open helps me cope!!!!" I tell her. The stewardess is usually shocked that I dont obey her orders, and my tone sends her right out on her way. If she still insists, I still keepit open but I usualy also write a complaint letter to the airline and complain about the lack of empathy to those who suffer from fear of flights.

Exception - On international flights, I prefer to sit on an isle seat, helps me that I know I can get up any moment and not feel couped up. Gotta choose my battles...

Safe flight.

A temporary cure for fear of flying...

People, I think I found a temporary cure for fear of flying.....fly business!! In the past 15 years, right after I quit my airline job as an air hostess, I was horrified of flying, and I still am.
But I have to say, I had a small pleasant break from this fear....
It just happened that I had to fly to Paris a few weeks ago, and my dream came true - I was finally upgraded to the business class!!
For the first time in my life, I was not cooped up like a sardine, my legs were stretched and then some :-). The chair became flat as a bed, I was offered some goodies like socks, eye mask and more. I chose the eye mask, covered myself with a blanket and WENT TO SLEEP!!!
I woke up when the captain announced we were 30 minutes before landing and that we needed to get our seats back to the upright position!! WOW!!! I cannot even begin to describe my feeling...I had 30 minutes I could use to feel terrified, but "decided" i will not ruin the sublime feeling that I slept through the whole flight...
The experience was SO amazing that When I returned from Paris to my home land, i actually bought a seat in business class (for additional 300$), as I couldnt even imagine myself crammed and scared in the back...

Bottom line, yes its more expensive but hey - it was WORTH THE MONEY AND THE EXPERIENCE.

What does it mean though with regard to our fear of flying? Perhaps some part of it we can attribute to the uncomfortable feeling of being cooped up in economy class with no place to move and our freedom and personal space compromised.

Conclusion - I have to be rich if I want to control my fear of flying...

Why did I become fearful of flying?

People ask me how I became a fearful flier, when before I hopped around the world happily with no worries what-so-ever....
Why there was a certain person who told me he thought my story didnt sound like the truth, rather something I made up to draw attention...
A pilot that heard my story found it very amusing that I'm all panicky before and sometimes during a flight...
In fact someone wanted to write an article about me once...

So what DID happen?

My explanation is - Control issues.

It is clear to me that the moment I will be given a task or I would have to work again during a flight - I will not even remotely resemble the miserable wreck that I am as a passenger.

Why?

Even though as a flight attendant I had zero control of the aircraft, I did feel I had a type of "control" over the passengers. Their well being was my concern and I was attuned to every wish. It was never about me, it was about the passengers, about rendering good service, about making the flight as comfortable as possible.

Today, as a passenger, it is ALL about me. I sit there, for HOURS on end, squished between other passengers in the same row, no leg space, the chair in front of me is almost in my face and I just sit there, waiting. So when that happens, anxious inclined people like me, tend to start thinking strange and pessimistic thoughts...
The distance from there to thinking what can happen when you are suspended high up in the air is very short, believe me...

No doubt, when I travel with my daughter, I feel that I HAVE to be less stressed so that I don't stress her out. Since her well being is the most important thing to me on the flight, I spend less time on me, thus less visible fearful signs.

Bottom line, give me something important to do on the flight, not just read or watch a movie and I believe I will feel much much better.

Have a good one!

Karen

A visit to the cock pit as an anti anxiety pill...

Greetings from BEAUTIFUL Budapest.
I can talk on and on about our stay here, especially about how terribly hot it is and how I survived my fear of flying only to dehydrate upon my arrival to Budapest and the visit of the doctor in my hotel room....but the point of my blog is to share the Fear of Flying and ways to cope.

I can safely say that MY worst moments are pre-flight.
Once we were cruising, I felt ok. Yes every now and then I become anxious, but since the last Star Trek movie was showing, I had to choose between being anxious or watch the movie...So I watched the movie...BTW, I think the cabin crew mostly dislike me, because if it's a day flight, they ask to close the window shutters and I NEVER agree to. I keep it AT LEAST half open, as I need to check what is going on outside...

The worst thing about fear of flying is that I got my daughter all worked up about it :-( . I really try to put on a face of "you've got nothing to worry about"...but I guess she catches my vibe anyhow..(she is 14).
In any case, at some point of the flight the flight attendant came and spoke with the guy sitting next to me and invited him to come visit the cockpit (seems he was friends with the pilot). I didn't think twice and asked if I could come too...the flight attendant wasn't too happy about it...I told him i was an ex flight attendant , just like him, but that I am REALLY afraid to fly, but if he doesn't want me, could he please ask the pilot to let my daughter visit the cock pit.

Sure enough, the pilot said ok, and my daughter disappeared in the cock pit for 30 minutes. During this time there was a little bit of turbulence and I was happy she was with them at that time.
When she returned she had this smug look on her face...The pilot and his first officer explained to her all about everything and she had the opportunity to ask the questions that bothered her.
I was so happy.
She said it didn't help her much..but i can tell you that the next time we experienced turbulence, she didn't even lift her head from the book, where only 1 hour before, she stopped reading, grasped my hand and asked me, all terrified, what's happening...So this short talk did wonders for her.

When we landed, I thanked the pilot for taking the time, he complimented me about my daughter, but also was very smug about me being so afraid of flying when I was a flight attendant and all....

Bottom line, I think it depends what is the underlying reason of your fear of flying, but if it's just unexplainable fear, perhaps a visit to the cock pit, can help you to understand it all better.

Another 36 hours before my flight back home, I prefer not to think about it. Although the flight here was a perfect "10", it doesnt mean the the flight back home will be the same...

Bye for now, from the heat wave in Europe (and no a/c :-( )

Have a great weekend.

Karen

Starting countdown....

I don't have anything major to talk about today.
I am flying tomorrow to Budapest, as I mentioned on an earlier post.

I have a rush of terror in my body when I remember that I will be flying tomorrow...
the type of thoughts running in my head are something like:..

"WHY AM I DOING THIS? WHY DO I CONSTANTLY PUT MYSELF IN DANGER AND FLY SOMEWHERE? WHY CANT I JUST STAY HOME? WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF?"..

When I hear those voices (twilight zone....)...I just block them right then and there and proceed with the arrangements and everything else.

As I said, I will "set my thoughts free"..tomorrow, in the taxi, on my way to the airport..

BTW, I am AS anxious about the drive to the airport as I am about the flight...I don't trust the driver, I like to be the one driving, I don't like it when I am in the passenger's seat, in life in general, in the car...let alone, in the plane..

I have NO DOUBT that if I would sit the whole flight in the cock pit, I would be PERFECTLY fine...THis is why I KNOW it's a control issue with me.

As a flight attendant, I visited the cock pit quite often and it didn't feel special in any way...Today? I will PAY to get in there and sit there the whole flight...

I will try to share the flight with you as much as I can, taking my lap top with me (why isn't there an internet connection in planes??? I might be less anxious if I could hook up with people on the IM during a flight).

See you up there!!

Karen

What do you do when.......

You smell a strange smell in the cabin, right before take off?....or hear a funny noise that you know in your gut does not belong to the normative set of sounds you usually hear when you fly?

I always wonder what I should do...

As a flight attendant I was used to getting these type of questions. As such, I listened to the worried passenger with empathy and tried my best to get him an answer.

Somehow, as a passenger, I don't want to be THAT person that asks the questions...

SO if it's a strong smell of fuel for example, or some other smell, I first look around at my fellow passengers...Am i the only one noticing this smell?...If I cant contain my fear, I ask the person next to me if he/she notices the smell as well...
I cant tell you how many times I heard "yes", but he/she wouldn't dream asking the crew for what it is...It's as if you ignore it, it's simply not there...

Then I watch, the cabin crew...don't THEY notice it?...

Well, it's either I need to "suck it up" and ignore it too, or stand out in the crowd, call the stewardess and bring the question up.

The answer? Depends on my level of anxiety...But I usually do ask as it is important for me to get one cause of stress out of the way as I have enough things to worry about during the flight as it is.
I encourage you to do the same!

All the best!


Karen

Flying to Budapest

Ok, so as you know, I suffer from fear of flying, but I try not to remember it all the time...That is why, I decided that I will be traveling to Budapest, Hungary next week, in a whimsical moment when I decided I needed to break routine.

So, I made sure I am not flying charter, not flying any dubious airline either.
I booked the two last seats on the plane...

I was probably the only one to ask which aircraft it is (Boening 757) and proceeded to ask for the pilot's name....(was joking, of course, or perhaps not?.......)

Now for those of you who write to me and tell me how you are terrified months ahead - do what I do.
From now until the taxi to the airport, I will not be thinking of the flight.
I am going to spend my time preparing the trip and that is what I want to suggest to all of you - Concentrate on the happy side of the trip - visiting another culture, new sights, tastes and smells.

Of course, subconsciously, I am searching for reasons why I shouldn't go (I already checked what the cancellations fees are...) and will probably interpret little things that will happen as signs of why I shouldnt go....

My mantra - I will NOT let this fear ground me to home base. I want to see the world and so I shall.

Have a good day.

Karen

Fear of flying – Is an age and gender issue

According to a research conducted in Holland a few years ago, by Mr. Van Growen of the University of Leiden, 4 out of 10 people suffer from fear of flying.

He distinguished among 4 types of fear of flying related phobias:

The first group, who was categorized as the least afraid to fly, was of men in their mid 30’s. Their fears stem from the inability to have any control of the plane as well as of technical mishaps.

The second group, women aging less than 35, suffer of a “socially” related fear of flying phobia.
These women were mostly afraid for other people, and of terrorists hijacking the plane. Another clear cut fear was of losing their sense of self control and fearing that they will start screaming in hysteria.

Women between the ages of 32 and 54 populate the third group. Their basic fear is of closed spaces (claustrophobia). Their greatest fear begins at the moment the doors of the aircraft are closed before takeoff and they feel confined to a closed space for the next couple of hours. The women in this group are most likely to suffer a panic attack while flying.

The last group is a mixed gender group aging older than 54. Their phobia stems partly because of fear of heights as well as of a sense of lack of control over the plane. This group also tends to suffer of panic attacks during the flight. The members of this group also are the ones who try to avoid flying at all.
The researcher said he was not surprised that men and women suffer fear of flights for different reasons, but that he was stunned to find out that the age was also a main factor on the type of anxiety. “the fact that as people age they become MORE anxious came as a complete surprise to me” – he said.
The bottom line to this research – If you know what is the source of your fear, then you can find the best therapeutical approach to deal with it.
As for me - I am definitely suffering of a fear that stems of a sense of lack of control as well as very afraid that I will feel sick during the flight. The funny thing is that this is a crippling fear, yet, TO-DATE, and after have flown hundreds of flights in the past 30 years, I have not even ONCE, felt sick during a flight……..but I tell myself there is ALWAYS a first time so doing my best to keep myself anxious about it (…) thinking it will take away the sense of surprise that will hit me if I DO feel sick suddenly….
Have a great day.

Karen